In The Valley Of The Cam Dolls: Arturo v. Yahoo Chat!

Well, it didn't take me long to make my first blunder of the new year.

I came home Friday night and wasn't quite tired, so I thought I'd hop on to my usual boards to see if anybody was up for a quick chat, maybe even a voice-chat thingamabobber, so I could use the swank microphone The Mortician provided me El Secreto for use on Hour 42. No dice. No surprise, I guess. Then I figured, why not try Yahoo Chat?

I have a history with chat rooms. Back in the Cenozoic era -- the mid '90s, that is -- I made a gaggle of friends, online and off, via various rooms and boards. Even learned to drink at quite a few of the parties those folks threw. If you were around and of age during those days, I'm sure you also remember the feeling of exploration each of those gatherings fostered. I was convinced at the time that our get-togethers would someday be looked at as the spiritual heirs to the early Beatnik gatherings. What can I tell you? I was a dope in college.

I even met a few nice folks thru YChat while living in Kansas. Unfortunately, the only thing I remember from those meetings was the woman who told me she only heard about the Wichita Chat party from her boyfriend, the rather older gentleman sitting next to her. "We met in the Fisting Room," she cheerfully told me. It takes diff'rent strokes, indeed ...

Notwithstanding all that, I figured a quick check of the old YStompingGrounds couldn't hurt. I've rarely been so wrong.

Ten windows popped up before I even filled out the widget confirming I wasn't a spambot, with similarly-worded greetings.

Hey baby, wanna chat?

Hey gorgeous.

Hi! 25/f/Poland. I'm sitting here in my bra and panties.

It might surprise you to learn that I don't always get that kind of reception when I walk into a room away from teh interwebz, as the kids call it these days. It wasn't any better inside the chat itself; it seemed like a dozen different "independent models" were lonely for attention. If only some kind gentleman, they all whined, would join them for a chat!

"Is anybody here not a bot?" I asked. The next post was someone asking for help testing their new cam. Settled that question. Not that I'm against the free market, but I like my webcam/cast fare a bit funnier. Next time I'll just go straight to bed.